Today isn't turning out quite as I planned. After completing some necessary weekend housework, I had earmarked some creative time for writing and blogging as my reward.
I assumed I'd be happily ensconced in my home office by late morning. Instead it's almost 2:30 pm and I'm procrastinating. Yes, I did go into my office late this morning. I fooled around doing email, then made some personal phone calls. Pretty soon it was time for lunch, and then I checked our snail mail.
Okay, now I'm feeling sheepish, and disappointed with myself. I've been wanting, for several days now, to write this post on how I've felt out of balance. Yet, all of a sudden, I can hear the inner censor distracting me to the point of self-consciousness. I'm feeling a bit off kilter. My thoughts appear to have "flown out the window."
BIG SIGH! Who's in charge here anyway? Get control, woman, and stop hushing your voice. Let it (you) speak and the rest will follow. Or as Wayne Dyer says in his newest book, Inspiration - Your Ultimate Calling, be "in spirit."
But I want to get it "right." And say all the things in the "right order."
There's nothing like allowing the ego to smother creativity. They simply shouldn't be in the same room together!
Okay, here's what I'm learning, in the assumption that you may benefit from these insights too. I should add that I'm "relearning" these notions, having experienced them in the past, and coached others on them over the years.
I've gotten out of balance due to a combination of factors:
- I'm devoting a ton of time to making a go of my new business directions in real estate investment, and as the momentum increases, so do the demands on my time. I slipped into over-achieving mode, partly to "make something happen," and partly to prove myself (to me). For my fellow over-achievers out there, it can feel exhausting.
- My working schedule is less predictable, and has a different rhythm than when I was coaching. I now get leads called in on the weekends from my classified ad. Work spills over into personal times.
- The biggest factor - this type of work is almost completely linear, left-brained activity. I sorely miss using the other part of my brain - the creative, right side.
- I stopped making time to write (out of guilt and fear). And got pretty cranky and out of sorts as I blogged about in a recent post.
A couple of things have helped. Talking with my coach and paying attention to my own self-observations have led to making some changes. I've scheduled a half day each week (sacred!), during the week devoted to writing and other right brained activities I choose. I will not answer my phone during that time or analyze deals! I will continue to write on weekends, and when moved during free evenings.
Here's an interesting "something" that just happened. As I was feeling overwhelmed with real estate stuff, the accounting dept. of our local paper mistakenly shut down my classified ad and stopped running it after Sept. 6th. I called my rep, and we got it straightened out, but missed the deadline to run it over the weekend. So it appears the Universe arranged for me to take a breather this weekend!
I've reminded myself that I'm not 35 anymore, and I don't have to prove myself. For those of you who are in your 30's, you don't have to prove yourself either! To wit, I intend each day to bring a sense of lightness, and even playfulness to my business efforts. That helps to keep the achiever from over-doing it.
Unlike other times I have felt out of balance in my life, this is the first time I realize how much I need to engage in activities and experiences that use the whole brain. More specifically - activities that involve expression of my essential spirit.
When all is said and done, its up to me, and you, to take responsibility for the 24 hours we are blessed with each day. I can use technology to create appropriate boundaries, as in using voicemail to set limits on my availability, and using a daily planner to allot times for each part of my life, or I can lose sight of what I need, and operate out of fear.
Balance is a fluid commodity. Always changing, as we do. I'll keep tweaking it, as I find my way home again.
By the way, my inner censor got bored when I started writing, and she went and sat in the corner and dozed off. I'm so glad she finds me boring. Maybe she'll find someone else to censor, or better yet, get into another line of work.