It's 10:00 pm on Wednesday and this is all I have written in my blog post after 45 minutes of sitting in front of my computer and having one false start after the other.
Earlier that day I couldn't wait to get here to post . . . all afternoon the thoughts swirled inside, in anticipation of writing in the evening. I found myself stimulated from reading other blog feeds. But we had a late dinner at 7:45 pm, and I wanted to take a shower after working out. My internal critic used the delay to rear up and dampen my creativity.
I want to share with you any number of things - and even as I say that, my inner censor tells me that it doesn't matter. But I'll tell you anyways.
I want to tell you that I rarely read blogs for sheer information. I have more than enough information in my life. My head can get fatigued from all that comes in. What I crave are the posts that wiggle their way into my heart and soul. I need to read bloggers who provide the "high touch" factor - that sense of deeper connection - through their own transparency and honesty.
Special recognition goes to Rick Cockrum for his courage in Should and Destructive Beliefs. Rick shared an episode of destructive behavior on his part that left him feeling ashamed. Showing oneself in a negative light is something most of us would prefer not to do. Rick did it to examine for himself how to create different results the next time, and to allow us to peek over his shoulder and learn from his example and insights. Thanks for your gutsiness, Rick.
I also enjoy reading blogs that raise the kind of questions and distinctions that cause me to pause and plunge into that deeper place beyond the trite and obvious.
For example, Halina Goldstein's The River of Life challenges Chuck Frey's River People vs. Goal People. Chuck invites the reader to consider both aspects within themselves (e.g. going with the flow vs. making goals), and to strive for some measure of balance. Halina asserts that this is an artificial separation (my take), and that it's not about accepting/improving/balancing. She suggests that we are all river people. By it's very nature, a river has direction and flows from its "ultimate source" to its "ultimate goal." Some choose to flow down the river in a simple boat, and others in a motorized one.
Dick Richard's Where There Are No Dark Corners urges writers with the following: "Do not exclude either light or darkness, love or hate, trust or fear. Bring it all to the page. This is the route to authenticity." I feel oddly comforted by these words. They give me permission to own up to all those aspects within myself. Sometimes I just don't feel like being positive. Sometimes I prefer to let it rip. Cut through the crap, in myself, and out there. Speak up about the pink elephant in the room. So there. My censor couldn't stop me on that one.
Last night, when my inner critic and creative side were duking it out, I felt conflicted. The energy just seeped out of me, leaving me deflated and unable to write in a flow, as I typically enjoy. So I followed Terry Starbucker's advice in Slaying the Posting Dragon:
"We all have that flow of consciousness. Tap into it. And when it's blocked by your demon, just wait him out too. The power of your mind is just too great." I walked away. Tomorrow is soon enough. This morning my thinking cleared up, my energy returned, and my writing flowed. Whew . . . another blogging crisis resolved.