How To Cut Myself Some Slack

Phil at Make It Great gets the credit for the idea of this post through a comment he left.  He asked for tips on how I learned to cut myself some slack.

If they say that necessity is the mother of all inventions, know that I am improvising as I go along this path!  I willingly share what I am learning, with the proviso that you jump in and share what works for you in the slack-cutting department.

First, I don't have answers - only awareness (when I am actually "aware" of my awareness).  Sometimes it comes from a trigger - such as the reminder I received from Rick Cockrum of Shards of Consciousness.  His response to my comment about my blog-related guilt provided much needed perspective.  He makes the essential distinction - that blogging is done “within the context of our lives, not as our lives.”

This perspective made me aware of the unexamined rules I operated by.  This time I acknowledged that my rule about blogging didn't make sense and wasn't helpful.  Having awareness of the rule allowed me to adjust it to take into account the stressors and time constraints of my reality.  I decided to blog when I was able and wanted to.

Cultivating compassion for myself also helps.  A couple of months ago I attended a 5-day intensive.  I found the first day or two tough because of my self-imposed rules about performing at my best.  What I learned instead was to accept myself, period, no matter where I fell on the scale of perfection.  Having compassion for myself, as I am always quick to have for others, makes a big difference.

I recall an exercise I did years ago at a retreat.  We were asked to hold up a mirror, and look into our own eyes, to see into our hearts.  I recall that feeling of compassion being stirred as I looked at this woman staring at me.

This morning I asked for guidance on a passage to read and this page fell open.  Here is an excerpt:

"Go to your bathroom or bedroom and look in the mirror.  Really.  Go and do it now.  Maybe the light in your eye is there or not; it doesn't matter.  Your 'original face' - the one in front of you right now - is the one God always sees.   When you see it too, you and God will both be in heaven - and we will get the benefit of you being who you are, here on earth."

Jason Shulman, The Instruction Manual for Receiving God

What would happen if we scheduled, on our to-do list, a line that said we would cut ourselves some slack two times today.  What if we decided to break one of our own rules that doesn't matter?  What if we chose to act with compassion towards ourselves on this day - what might that look like?

What can you suggest, by way of tip or experience, that helps you let up that rein a bit?

Comments

[Rick Cockrum]

One of the things that helps me is the idea that in many ways life is as hard as we make it. Enough goes on that is difficult to deal with and experience without making it harder. I'm still learning to do the best I can, but not beat myself up when that best varies from day to day. Learning to get rid of expectations of perfection is a big step in that direction. One day we'll have the hang of it.

[Deb Call]

I agree, Rick. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy! Awareness, and keeping in mind that perfection is NOT the key, sure can go a long way to adding some ease to our lives.

[Pradeep Srivastava]

There is an old axiom, "The perfect is the enemy of the good!" Also, Bhagavad Geeta says, "You have a right to perform actions, but you have no right to the fruits of your actions!" We cannot alway succeed at everything we do and we cannot always get the results that we anticipate or hope for. So, we need to be aggressive about what we can do, but at the same time, we need to be humble about what we can actually accomplish.

[Deb Call]

Pradeep, I like the axiom you shared. Humility and perspective can go hand in hand in reducing the difficulty I can unintentionally create in my life when I blindly strive for some notion of perfection.