An old dream of mine materialized several weeks ago. Much to my surprise, I felt disoriented when my dream came true. The dream didn't fit me in real time quite as I imagined.
Allow me to back up. The dream takes birth a dozen years ago. It is a materialistic dream. Some of you may have a penchant for a BMW Z4 Roadster, a cruise around the world, a vacation home at the beach. I confess that I wanted a larger diamond. Not an extravagant diamond - I wanted an upgrade from 1/2 carat to 1 carat.
Back when the dream began, we still faced financing 8 years of college for our two daughters. A larger diamond seemed like a frivolous expense we could not afford. But I knew exactly what I wanted when the time came. I had spent time looking at diamonds and knew the 4 "c's" backwards and forwards.
Fast forward to present time. Money is saved. My husband and I trek out to the jewelers to look, learn, and examine numerous diamonds under magnification. I make several trips, do additional research, and compare prices. I finally find my dream diamond at the price I want to pay. I am thrilled with the selection!
I wait a couple of days while the new diamond is set in my wedding ring. With great anticipation I pick up the ring when it is ready, placing it on my finger. I look down at the diamond and feel an immediate sense of dissonance. I feel confused and unsettled. What comes up for me is that I don't deserve this.
It takes me several days to work through what is really going on with me. I feel unworthy of the larger, brilliant diamond. In my head I had easily justified the cost. Inside me, I feel like an imposter.
I finally realize that I may have upgraded my diamond, but I did not upgrade my sense of worthiness to make room for this dream come true. Likewise, in my real estate investing work, we find we need to often upgrade the electrical in the houses we rehab, in order to place a central heating/air unit.
This story is not about diamonds. It's about energy alignment. We have to remember to make room energetically for the dreams we desire to materialize. I made room financially for the diamond, but not internally.
It takes me several days of processing to "update" my worthiness. A loving spouse helps. It also helps me to read snippets of guided writing I received in late August:
[You] have money to indulge yourself with. Yet you struggle with spending money on the 1-carat diamond you have always dreamed about. The diamond itself isn't important, it's what it represents, which is your openness to give to yourself. It's a wonderful practice to take your generous heart and turn it back upon yourself. If you can be even just a little bit supportive and generous with yourself as you are with everyone else, imagine how much peaceful and happier you can be. And that is the real gift you can offer to others, being happy.
Fortunately for me, the "worthiness" upgrade kicks in. What a difference I feel internally. Now when I look at my new diamond, I feel a sense of awe and gratitude. Without a doubt, I can say that diamonds are (one) of a girl's best friends!
What happened for you when one of your dreams came to fruition? Was it what you expected? We'd love to hear about it!
[Photo Credit: Blue Nile]