Spirit In Gear

More on Life in the Middle-Aged Lane

This week I donated "Betsy," my '96 Camry, to a charity.  I felt emotional pangs as she was towed away.  Betsy wears her age well.  She still has life left in her.  I hope her next owner appreciates the value she brings.  I have never owned a car prior to Betsy that served me with such dependability, style, and economy.  Betsy, at 13 years, still gets better gas mileage around town than my spanking new '09 Honda Accord.

I can't help but think that Betsy provides a metaphor for my life in middle age.  My place on life's stage shifts to the background.  I still have a lot of life left in me, but my priorities no longer center on achievement and career, or being at the front of the stage.

In The Gifts of Age Part 2 I confess my secret desire to go gray (but I'm a "silver" wannabe) when I turn 60 in the summer of 2011.  My hair, thanks to my parents' genes, is one of my best features, and wears an attractive color via my talanted hairdresser.  Going gray goes against the cultural current, but resonates with my inner being. 

Dick Richards asked me "Why wait til 60?"   Ah, Dick, you have no idea what's involved.  First of all, it will take at least 1.5 years to grow out the permanent hair color.  While my gray roots grow out, temporary color will be used.   I also need the time to gather my courage!  To get used to the idea that other people will judge me as less attractive, and to be okay with that.

I want to try gray hair on and see what it feels like.  It will complement the lines around my eyes that I have earned from laughing.  I sense more freedom to be me.  Take it or leave it, folks!  No apologies!  And if I don't like my gray hair, I know what to do about it.

This morning I read this quote, which captures my feelings (don't you just love how synchronicity works?):

As life goes on it becomes tiring to keep up the character you invented for yourself, and so you relapse into individuality and become more like yourself every day.  This is sometimes disconcerting for those around you, but a great relief to the person concerned.
- Agatha Christie

Stay tuned:  My middle-aged Inner Goddess has only just begun to emerge.

Enough

I am enough.  I have wisdom enough.  I have faith enough.  I know enough.  I do not need to strive or strain. I do not need to reach or worry. I am enough.

- Julia Cameron, Heart Steps - Prayers and Declarations for a Creative Life

These words reach me this morning like a lifeline thrown to one struggling in rushing waters.  Instead of rushing waters, I find myself caught in the grips of torrential mental noise:  I need to market more.  I need to create more pay per click ads.  I need to read through all the material from my online marketing training.  I need to do each and every exercise.  I am not doing enough.  I need to make money.  More money!  I need to do it now.  Urgent, urgent, urgent!

"I am enough."  These words stop me.  The mental churning fades out.  I exhale.  I feel emotion rising up from my heart and escaping through the tears in my eyes.  I sense another part of me coming forward.  She comes not from ego, but from that part connected to the Divine.  She is calm, patient, wise,  She trusts.  She takes her time.  I sense her compassion and love.

I sit still.  I notice the relief I feel.  I watch my churning thoughts shift into positive scenarios.  I imagine what my life could look like as I embrace knowing I am enough.  I can see my grown daughters as enough, trusting them to make mistakes and surviving just fine.  I can use the knowing that I am enough to take my time and plan my marketing steps for my business.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed I can feel focused.  I can feel lighter because I make this marketing manageable.

My imagination continues to prance ahead.  As I quiet the demanding inner pressure, I can be more present to others, more positive, more caring.  Better self care leads to better care of others.  Not necessarily doing more.  Just showing up in a different way.

I start first with myself.  I resolve to lengthen my quiet time early in the morning.  To spend the first minutes of the new day in stillness, prayer, and reflection.  To ensure that the person who gets out of bed knows she is enough, and knows that her "spirit is large enough for any circumstance."

Who are you when you remember you are enough?

[Photo Credit:  Arjun Kartha]

Picture of Hope in Iraq via John Gebhardt

I received this picture and story by way of email this past week.  I don't know if it's recent or old, but believe it timely for the Christmas season because of its message of hope and peace.  The picture and story are being sent around the world by James Gates, U.S. Navy.  His words follow below:

"John Gebhardt's wife, Mindy, said that this little girl's entire family was executed.  The insurgents [Iraq] intended to execute the little girl also, and shot her in the head . . .but they failed to kill her.  She was cared for in John's hospital and is healing up, but  continues to cry and moan.  The nurses said John is the only one who seems to calm her down, so John has spent the last four nights holding her while they both slept in that chair.  The girl is coming along with her healing.

He is the real Star of the war, and represents what America is trying to do.

This, my friends, is worth sharing with the WORLD!  Go for it!!  You'll never see things like this in the news.  Please keep this going.  Nothing will happen if you don't, bu the American public needs to see pictures like this and needs to realize that what we're doing over there is making a difference.  Even if it is just one little girl at a time."

James Gates, U. S. Navy

You Tube Paul Potts Opens Your Heart

One of the things that brought goosebumps to my body and tears to my eyes occurred when presenter Alan Cohen showed a clip from You Tube.  We viewed this clip on the jumbo screen at Seminar of the Century in Aspen earlier this month.  Alan used this clip to illustrate how being real and transparent brings us in touch with our brilliance.  When the clip ended, 2000 people rose to their feet to clap and cheer.

See for yourself - take in Paul Potts' You Tube clip.  Maximize your screen, crank up your computer speakers, and grab a tissue.  You are in for a soul-stirring treat!

When Champions Fall

How often have we watched world champion skaters fall down on the ice while going for the Olympic gold?  And yet we're surprised when it happens. 

Isn't it inevitable, too, that the New York Time #1 bestseller will eventually get booted by a better selling book?  Yet how would we feel should that book be ours and we watch it slip down in the rankings?

I learned Monday night, as I watched my beloved Buckeyes fall down from the #1 perch,  that champions have bad days.  And those bad days sure can feel painful and downright disorienting.

Strange things can come out of bad days.  Like having an ardent Michigan fan hugging me after OSU lost so resoundingly.  As she commented, "Who would have thought arch-rivals would comfort one another?  But we drew together in our support of the Big 10 players.  (When she said that I couldn't help but wonder what would happen in our world if we could find something in common with those we do not like or agree with . . .)

We can learn more about what constitutes a true champion by what follows after the fall.  Does one get up and strut with false bravado?  Or does the grace of humble pie temper one with greater insight and depth for the next round?  Or worse, does one not get up at all?

Even super-achievers have bad days.  Kammie's post describes her own recent bottomed-out funk and what she learned from it.  No matter how great things are going, how much success we enjoy, we may find ourselves in pittsville without advance notice.  Here's some advice she gives, after going into "lock-down" mode:

"When we LOVE and accept ourselves AS IS, when we are in the present moment - good, bad or indifferent - we WIN.  No matter the situation.  No matter if it's high drama, or mellow and mundane - if we choose to love and accept ourselves in any given situation, we actually choose peace."

If champions are made from the inside out, then the inside is where we must turn when we fall.  After catching our breath, dusting ourselves off, we need to look ourselves in the heart, knowing that we are the only ones who can reclaim that champion, should we choose it.   

Only 33 more weeks til college football returns.

Where, Oh Where, Has My Balance Gone?

Today isn't turning out quite as I planned.  After completing some necessary weekend housework, I had earmarked some creative time for writing and blogging as my reward.

I assumed I'd be happily ensconced in my home office by late morning.  Instead it's almost 2:30 pm and I'm procrastinating.  Yes, I did go into my office late this morning.  I fooled around doing email, then made some personal phone calls.  Pretty soon it was time for lunch, and then I checked our snail mail.

Okay, now I'm feeling sheepish, and disappointed with myself.  I've been wanting, for several days now, to write this post on how I've felt out of balance.  Yet, all of a sudden, I can hear the inner censor distracting me to the point of self-consciousness.  I'm feeling a bit off kilter.  My thoughts appear to have "flown out the window."

BIG SIGH!  Who's in charge here anyway?  Get control, woman, and stop hushing your voice.  Let it (you) speak and the rest will follow.  Or as Wayne Dyer says in his newest book, Inspiration - Your Ultimate Calling, be "in spirit."

But I want to get it "right."  And say all the things in the "right order." 

There's nothing like allowing the ego to smother creativity.  They simply shouldn't be in the same room together!

Okay, here's what I'm learning, in the assumption that you may benefit from these insights too.  I should add that I'm "relearning" these notions, having experienced them in the past, and coached others on them over the years.

I've gotten out of balance due to a combination of factors:

- I'm devoting a ton of time to making a go of my new business directions in real estate investment, and as the momentum increases, so do the demands on my time.  I slipped into over-achieving mode, partly to "make something happen," and partly to prove myself (to me).  For my fellow over-achievers out there, it can feel exhausting.

- My working schedule is less predictable, and has a different rhythm than when I was coaching.  I now get leads called in on the weekends from my classified ad.  Work spills over into personal times.

- The biggest factor - this type of work is almost completely linear, left-brained activity.  I sorely miss using the other part of my brain - the creative, right side.

- I stopped making time to write (out of guilt and fear).  And got pretty cranky and out of sorts as I blogged about in a recent post.

A couple of things have helped.  Talking with my coach and paying attention to my own self-observations have led to making some changes.  I've scheduled a half day each week (sacred!), during the week devoted to writing and other right brained activities I choose.  I will not answer my phone during that time or analyze deals!  I will continue to write on weekends, and when moved during free evenings.

Here's an interesting "something" that just happened.  As I was feeling overwhelmed with real estate stuff, the accounting dept. of our local paper mistakenly shut down my classified ad and stopped running it after Sept. 6th.  I called my rep, and we got it straightened out, but missed the deadline to run it over the weekend.  So it appears the Universe arranged for me to take a breather this weekend!

I've reminded myself that I'm not 35 anymore, and I don't have to prove myself.  For those of you who are in your 30's, you don't have to prove yourself either!  To wit, I intend each day to bring a sense of lightness, and even playfulness to my business efforts.  That helps to keep the achiever from over-doing it.

Unlike other times I have felt out of balance in my life, this is the first time I realize how much I need to engage in activities and experiences that use the whole brain.  More specifically - activities that involve expression of my essential spirit.

When all is said and done, its up to me, and you, to take responsibility for the 24 hours we are blessed with each day.  I can use technology to create appropriate boundaries, as in using voicemail to set limits on my availability, and using a daily planner to allot times for each part of my life, or I can lose sight of what I need, and operate out of fear.

Balance is a fluid commodity.  Always changing, as we do.  I'll keep tweaking it, as I find my way home again.

By the way, my inner censor got bored when I started writing, and she went and sat in the corner and dozed off.  I'm so glad she finds me boring.  Maybe she'll find someone else to censor, or better yet, get into another line of work.