Spirit In Gear

Flash Bites

For the past week I've been receiving intuitive flashes.  They come through as an insight, an inner knowing, a glimmer, a picture, or a physical sensation on personal and business issues in my life.

Like sound bites, they're brief and get my attention.  It occurs to me this morning, as I lay in bed, that these are "flash bites."  They grab me and shift me from smallness to expansion, all in the space of seconds!

For example, yesterday afternoon we are watching the movie, Henry Poole is Here.  The central character struggles with a loss of faith.  He depends solely on what he knows logically.  He is challenged by neighbors whose faith and beliefs summon  "miracles." 

Near the end of the movie my flash bite comes.  In my need to make the lives of my husband and two daughters "better," I am shown a different way of being.  I am released from needing to control outcomes.  I can let go.  With my husband, my job is not to help him become more "spiritual" but to grow in my own faith.  My job is not to fuss over my 26 yr old daughter in her present state of unsettledness, but to love her.  She is much wiser than I was at that age, and will choose well.  My job is not to obsess over my 23 yr. old daughter finding a job in Chicago when she moves there this summer (by the way . . . anyone need a talented graphic designer?).  She's perfectly capable finding work, if past performance is any indicator.

As I read over the flash bite above, it sounds rational.  But it did not come through that way.  I felt lightened and free when I received this intuitive flash.  I felt like a different part of me (yes, I'll call her the Divine One) was reassuring me that my job was done.  I can relax.  I can love.  Translated . . . I can give up worry.

You cannot worry about someone and love them at the same time. Most people mistake the emotion of worry for the emotion of love. They think that worrying about somebody means that you love them.
- Abraham

In hindsight, I look back and see the pivotal flash bite that arrived last weekend, setting off this series of flash bites the past few days.  It all starts with a visit to downtown Asheville, a 75 minute drive from our South Carolina home.  We have made it a tradition on all of our trips to Asheville to make our last stop at Malaprops Bookstore.  Street musicians play outside the doors.  Stepping into the doors of this independent bookseller, I feel immediate pleasure.  For book lovers like me it's an orgy of delight.  Because it's not a chain store, even the coffee aromas smell more intoxicating.  Walking on old floor boards that creak, I scan the colorful book displays and creative organization that draw me further in.  I wander over to a shelf entitled "Banned Books" - all  those books we are so familiar with that have been banned at one time or another, including Shakespeare's Twelfth Night.  I feel myself losing sense of time.  I acquaint myself with new authors, and check in with familiar ones.  

Over and over again, I find myself drawn to another area with a book entitled Life is a Verb by Patti Digh.  The subtitle - "37 Days to Wake Up , Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally."  Why does the author's name sound so familiar?  I soon realize that she is a blogger that I have read sometime in the past.  Holding her book is a tactile pleasure in itself.  The book feels so smooth and silky!  Colors pop throughout the multitude of unique illustrations.  As her blog proclaims, her book is not a self-help book, but a soul-help book.  Without hesitation I buy the book.

After our friends head back to Ohio, I nestle my derriere on the couch to soak myself in this book for awhile.  My flash bite shows up during a writing exercise.  I become aware that I've put myself in a pissy funk by comparing myself to others who are better writers, better bloggers, know more than me, ad nauseum.  I'm filled with a sense of mean smallness towards myself.

Simultaneously something else comes through - call it soul help.  I feel a physical sense of warmth come from my heart.  I feel my heart expand and open as I sense a loving, compassionate presence.  I flip from holding myself with disdain to a sense of deep love and gratitude for being me.  I do feel a regret for the wasted time, but make a contract with myself to do something loving or compassionate for myself each day. 

The following morning, I decide to stop multi-tasking at breakfast.  I don't check email while eating and watching Good Morning America before rushing off to Jazzercise.  I give myself the gift of being present.  The rest of the day unfolds without the typical sense of urgency and pressure that I inflict upon myself.

And so it goes . . . as I learn to be more present, flash bites find a receptive state as I move through my week.  What I wish I had done, and will do from now on, is jot down my flash bites as they come through.  I hope to capture as much of the essence of the message, and the feeling as possible.  Later, when I fall back, I can turn to my written flash bite and "remember" again.

Forgive this rambling story.  I tell it to myself to understand how the Universe supports me, tracing my steps back to Malaprops, and taking note of the numerous flash bites that have come through since then just this week.  Take heart, Deb, you are never alone.  And neither are you!

Photo Credits:  Light in sky - Dimitar Tzankov; Malaprops Bookstore - Malaprops website

Enough

I am enough.  I have wisdom enough.  I have faith enough.  I know enough.  I do not need to strive or strain. I do not need to reach or worry. I am enough.

- Julia Cameron, Heart Steps - Prayers and Declarations for a Creative Life

These words reach me this morning like a lifeline thrown to one struggling in rushing waters.  Instead of rushing waters, I find myself caught in the grips of torrential mental noise:  I need to market more.  I need to create more pay per click ads.  I need to read through all the material from my online marketing training.  I need to do each and every exercise.  I am not doing enough.  I need to make money.  More money!  I need to do it now.  Urgent, urgent, urgent!

"I am enough."  These words stop me.  The mental churning fades out.  I exhale.  I feel emotion rising up from my heart and escaping through the tears in my eyes.  I sense another part of me coming forward.  She comes not from ego, but from that part connected to the Divine.  She is calm, patient, wise,  She trusts.  She takes her time.  I sense her compassion and love.

I sit still.  I notice the relief I feel.  I watch my churning thoughts shift into positive scenarios.  I imagine what my life could look like as I embrace knowing I am enough.  I can see my grown daughters as enough, trusting them to make mistakes and surviving just fine.  I can use the knowing that I am enough to take my time and plan my marketing steps for my business.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed I can feel focused.  I can feel lighter because I make this marketing manageable.

My imagination continues to prance ahead.  As I quiet the demanding inner pressure, I can be more present to others, more positive, more caring.  Better self care leads to better care of others.  Not necessarily doing more.  Just showing up in a different way.

I start first with myself.  I resolve to lengthen my quiet time early in the morning.  To spend the first minutes of the new day in stillness, prayer, and reflection.  To ensure that the person who gets out of bed knows she is enough, and knows that her "spirit is large enough for any circumstance."

Who are you when you remember you are enough?

[Photo Credit:  Arjun Kartha]

What I Know For Sure

If someone asked you the question:  "What do you know for sure?", how would you respond?

I find myself answering this question last night at the instigation of O Magazine, where Oprah answers this question as a monthly feature found on the last page of each issue.

What I know for sure . . . is that I know far more than I ever give myself credit for, and that's a damn shame. 

When I awaken this morning, before getting out of bed, I feel emotion surfacing.  I reflect on my answer to the above question and sense sadness.  I understand at a heart level that when I don't acknowledge what I know, I diminish myself.  Like the dimmer set low on our dining room chandelier, I fade out.  The whole point about being in this world is about allowing my light to emanate out.  To  connect to other lights, and to lead the way for those looking for the light.

What I know for sure is that when I still myself, even for a few seconds, I am graced with  understanding what I know.  Perhaps I need to still myself longer to remember what I know.

I leave you with the question at the beginning of this post:  "What do you know for sure?"  Please feel free to share your answer here!

 

Redesigning My "Inner Space" aka Blog Hiatus

A few weeks ago we emptied out one of our spare bedrooms.  It had housed a twin bed, a desk/chair, bookcases, and knick-knacks from a daughter who had since graduated from college and moved away several years ago.  We gave away some of the furniture and boxed up the books and knick-knacks for safe-keeping until our daughter has room to take them off of our hands.

I looked at the empty room.  All this open space lay before me, full of possibilities.  I knew one thing for certain.  I would replace the twin bed with a Queen bed (when kids grow up it's not terribly comfortable to sleep in the twin bed anymore!) 

Something interesting and delightful happens after the bed is delivered and set up.  I look at the bedroom space in a different way.  I pull different pieces of furniture and accessories from other rooms in our home to create a cottage feel to the new guest bedroom. 

Taking My Cues From Mickey

A couple of weeks ago we returned from a business-related trip to Orlando.  We added a few days prior to the business event to head out to Disney.  Amidst the crowd, the heat, and the infamous Floridian humidity, we enjoyed our favorite thrill rides, and a bit of the signature trademark magic unique to the Disney parks.

On my last night there, I browsed through a store of Disney merchandise located on the Boardwalk.  Besides purchasing a cool v-neck T-shirt in my favorite shade of pink, I found an irresistible little Mickey with his sorcerer hat perched on his head.  This is the same Mickey found at the Hollywood Studios Park in a giant sculpture.

I scooped up Mickey.  I just knew I needed to take him home with me.  He sits on my desk.  He smiles and reminds me that I can create the magic in my life. And it all starts with remembering that my own inner wizard waits within.  She's only a silent moment away.  She was the one, after all, who told me to buy Mickey in the first place. 

Parts of Myself I've Been Neglecting

What Parts of Myself Have I been Ignoring, Neglecting, or Denying?

This question clutches at me when I read it over in the list mentioned in my last post on eliciting heart wisdom.  Credit for the question goes to author Barbara DeAngelis.

Reading the question stirs up an ache within me.  I can feel the answer surface immediately.  It comes through as a strong yearning to spend more time in creating.  I feel cranky and out of sorts from dealing with so much left-brained minutia - constant details that have me scattering myself personally and professionally. 

As I review January, I realize it was an intense month for me.  My mother passed from this life early in that month.  I have spent a lot of time in both processing my grief, and in playing catch up in all parts of my life that were put on hold during the last week of Dec. and the first week of January. 

As life resumes a semblance of normalcy and well-being, I experience my thunderbolt.  It's time for me to build in the structure, through outside assistance, to give myself the space and time to create.  I need help in lifting some of the linear load off my shoulders so I can get to the creative/expressive/juicier stuff.

How committed am I to making the shift in my personal life ?  In my business?  My business partner and I just made the decision to get an outside office (lease in hand), and to take steps to legalize our partnership.  That is only the beginning.  We need to bring in another person to handle our minutia.  Only then will we have the time freed up to take our business to the next level.  It's a big change, a stretch for us, one that requires additional financial resources.

Likewise, in my personal life I need to hire a cleaning person to care for our home on a regular basis.  I had one for years when we lived in Ohio.  Since our move to South Carolina, I haven't used one.  And our house is much bigger here.  I spend so much time on weekends worrying about getting it cleaned, or worrying that I haven't cleaned it, that I feel stressed.  A cleaning person is a form of nurturing for me.  Take that cleaning load off of me and I know my creative output will skyrocket.

The beauty of the question within a question (discussed in my last post) lies in the depth at which the information comes back to me.  It starts in my heart, and then goes to my head.  I feel the change I need to make, and feel ready to do it.  Someone could have come in months ago and told me to get a cleaning person.  It's logical.  But I'm discovering that shifts rarely happen in the head. 

Before I wrote this post, I sent off an email to a discussion forum in our subdivision, asking for names of housecleaners.  I'm ready, Universe, send me the housecleaner best for me.  And you might want to throw in additional financial resources too!

What part of yourself have you been ignoring or neglecting?

How to Elicit Heart Wisdom - Use These Questions Within Questions

When we want to tap into the wisdom of our heart for guidance, we must learn to ask the right questions.  Barbara DeAngelis, author of How Did I Get Here? calls this process contemplating the "questions within questions."

Linear questions such as "What is my new list of goals?" or "What action steps should I take?" keep us limited to what logic/intellect dictates before we may be fully informed.  The following "questions within questions" bypass the mind, according to DeAngelis, to help us "feel the answers" rather than "think about the answers."  I've included a few from her book, How Did I Get Here?:

Am I living as the person I want to be?

What authentic parts of myself have I been hiding from people who know me?

Do my everyday activities and interactions bring me joy?

What parts of myself have I been ignoring, neglecting, or denying?

If I weren't worried about what other people might think or how they might react, what changes or decisions would I make in my life?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's a process I'd suggest for using these questions, based on my own experience:

- Work with one question at a time. 
- Find a way to quiet yourself, in a private space. 
- Take in some deep slow breaths to relax you, bringing you into the here and now. 
- Ask yourself the question you want to focus on first. 
- Notice what comes up first.  A feeling may come through - follow it to see where it wants to take you.  - Allow the feelings, sensations, words, and "knowing" to come forward.  Jot these down.

Barbara DeAngelis notes that you can also address one of these questions in a meditation, or discuss with a trusted friend, partner, or therapist.

In my next post, I'll share what I learned in response to the question, "What parts of myself have I been ignoring, neglecting, or denying?"

Picture Credit - Tatiana

Where Is Home?

Yesterday I began to question where my home is.  Is it here in South Carolina, where we have lived for close to 4  years?  Is it back in Ohio, where I lived most of my life?  Is home just a state of mind, as the saying goes?

These questions tumble out of me after a conversation with a friend, 12 days after my mother's death.  My friend, Margaret, tells me that she and her husband will return "home" to Ohio next year when he takes early retirement.  She is trading in the good weather here in the Carolinas to be close to her family in the colder state, and to eventually be buried in the family plot when she dies down the road. 

Before my mother's death, I had a dream of getting everyone to move down here.  I hoped that within the next 5 years I could persuade my adult daughters, and my sister and husband, to make this their new home.  Now I wonder about this dream because I don't know if this is my home, or if I have the right to "arrange" this.

I haven't lived in my hometown since I went away to college in '69.  After college I lived in Cincinnati for 30 years, but no longer feel an emotional pull for that city, even tho we return with regularity to see friends. 

Where oh where is my home?  I'm realizing that it's okay that I don't know.  Even tho I would like to know.  I think about the ease of birds, who can make their nests, and then abandon them for the next place.  I am not a bird, and I don't care to uproot myself unless there is a compelling reason.

Home may also be where the heart is, but I won't go there right now. Perhaps what has come out of all this for me is to be looser with my notions of what home is.

And that's my lesson for the day.

When We Don't Listen to Our Inner Voice

Last week found my husband irritated with himself.  When our credit card bill arrived, we discovered that we incurred additional financial cost when we transferred part of a home equity balance to a low-interest credit card. 

In hindsight, hubbie said he had a "feeling" before we transferred the balance that the low 3.99% interest would not apply to the entire bill, but decided to ignore the feeling.  In this case, ignoring the inner voice cost us money.  Now we must stop using this card and incur further cost by transferring this balance yet again.

Kathy Sierra of Creating Passionate Users illustrates the concept of having a "feeling" and not knowing why or what to do with it in My Favorite Graphs.  Scroll down to "Which One Wins?"  I love this picture!  It illustrates why reason may not always be the right choice.

The same week of my husband's irritation, I allowed ego interference to override my intuitive sense of what to blog about.  Ego said nobody cares about what I want to write on; ego said I must rigidly stick to my blog theme, etc. etc.  I allowed ego to bully the deeper part of myself.  My mad censor won that round. 

Years ago I used a journalling technique to create a written conversation between these two parts of myself when I would feel conflicted.  I learned that my true voice would win out if I kept the conversation going; the ego would eventually run out of steam.  Terry Starbucker, of Ramblings from a Glass Half Full, demonstrates this technique with humor with his "Harry" and "Mopey" characters in Murphy's Law vs. Half-Fullism and More Conversations with Mopey and Harry . . .

If you could use a little reinforcement in honoring that inner voice, check out Kirsten Harrell's 5-part series of posts - "Whispers from the Soul (intuition)" - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.  Part 5 is due to be posted next week. 

And if you haven't read my Platinum Trumpet Award series on True Guidance vs. False Guidance, here you go - Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

Just curious, would you care to share what happened to you when you didn't listen to your inner voice?

What I've Learned from Practicing New Day Resolutions

Since I began setting New Day Resolutions in the morning, starting over two weeks ago, I find myself moving through each day with a subtle but distinct difference.

Daniel Pink might call the experience engaging my "whole mind."  Others might call it aligning the energy.  I could even call it turning on the checks and balances between my left and right brain.

Whatever we choose to call this - I am experiencing life more in the moment.  My inner observer is awake and guiding me.  I am less driven, yet more effective.  I feel less overwhelmed, and more able to prioritize.  The simple act of discerning what is most important for me to be aware of as I begin my day allows me to engage both sides of my brain to work on behalf of me.

Last week was challenging.  My aunt had died on my father's side.  My uncle on my mother's side was in intensive care, not expected to live.  I had minor outpatient surgery.  My business leads were exploding.  I was preparing for a long trip back to Ohio this past weekend to help my parents move this week. 

Through it all, setting my "New Day Resolution" early in the morning set the tone, created an intention of sorts, and helped me how "to be" while I was in the "to do" stage.  In short, I was handling life much better, with more energy and ability to be in each moment.

About 12 days ago, however, I chose to ignore my New Day Resolution, which called for finding moments to play and rest.  My inner kid was cooped up!  As a result of ignoring this resolution, I became extremely irritable, was impatient with my business partner, and had an important lead chew my head off on the phone.  Who said the Law of Attraction doesn't work?  By that afternoon, I couldn't trust myself to follow up with other leads because of the state of mind I was in.  So I walked out of my office and plopped down on the couch.

The following day I rearranged my daily routine.  I scheduled in play during the first half of the day, and worked the 2nd half.  I loved it!  Interestingly, the lead who bit my head off the previous day called me early that morning to apologize.  It was a nice way to start out my morning before I headed out to play.

This week is hectic with helping my parents move.  I'm 700 miles from home.  It's darn cold in Ohio, now that I've become a South Carolinian.  But it doesn't matter.  I've got my New Day's Resolution in hand to remind me that for today, I only have to do one day's worth of work, and I can do it in a way that feels manageable.

So I'm off to get in my cold car and get moving.  Catch you later!