Spirit In Gear

Ask - I Dare You!

Forgive me, Dick Richards, I've been meaning to compose this since reading your provocative post, ASK, early this month.  But I've found myself busy asking for, and dealing with, all that is coming my way!

Readers - at some point click over to read the true account of what happened when a workshop participant asked for something specific and audacious!

Coincidentally, two days before I read Dick's post on asking, I was sitting in a business networking meeting with other real estate investors.  I mentioned a current property that I would like to rehab if I can get the private money.  After the meeting, 2 investors separately approached me with the desire to park some private funds with this project.  I was astounded!  It was the first time I have initiated a conversation seeking private lenders.

Following upon the hills of this example, and then reading Dick's post, I realized that I don't ask for what I want nearly enough.  I suspect most of us don't.  It's a waste of time to ferret out the reasons why we don't.  Instead I decided to ask again.

This time I asked for something specific and important to me in my personal life.  And it wasn't easy.  I was experiencing a blue moment anticipating my first Thanksgiving since my father died.  I emailed my sister to once again ask her to travel to South Carolina from Ohio for the holiday.  In my message I removed the "strong, older sister persona" and shared with transparency from my heart.  I ended by letting my sister know I would accept whatever she felt in her heart was right for her.

In the outcome, relayed in a phone call, my sister is unable to honor my request due to her own grief.  I knew it was a long shot.  Surprisingly, I don't feel let down.  I feel empowered because I acknowledged my own feelings and communicated them.  With that comes an increased sense of confidence.

Here's what I am learning about asking:

- Ask with clarity and assurance.
- Ask, knowing that the more frequently you do it, the greater likelihood some of your requests will be granted.
- Ask because someone has a reciprocal need to fulfill your request and can't do it until asked.
- Ask with respect to yourself and the other party.

Now it's time to ask you to do something - ASK!  Ask for something here in a comment.  Or share an example of asking.  Go ahead.  Just do it!  I dare you!

What I Know For Sure

If someone asked you the question:  "What do you know for sure?", how would you respond?

I find myself answering this question last night at the instigation of O Magazine, where Oprah answers this question as a monthly feature found on the last page of each issue.

What I know for sure . . . is that I know far more than I ever give myself credit for, and that's a damn shame. 

When I awaken this morning, before getting out of bed, I feel emotion surfacing.  I reflect on my answer to the above question and sense sadness.  I understand at a heart level that when I don't acknowledge what I know, I diminish myself.  Like the dimmer set low on our dining room chandelier, I fade out.  The whole point about being in this world is about allowing my light to emanate out.  To  connect to other lights, and to lead the way for those looking for the light.

What I know for sure is that when I still myself, even for a few seconds, I am graced with  understanding what I know.  Perhaps I need to still myself longer to remember what I know.

I leave you with the question at the beginning of this post:  "What do you know for sure?"  Please feel free to share your answer here!

 

Write to Please Yourself First - What I'm Learning from Kurt Vonnegut

Strangely enough, this English Major in college has never read any of Kurt Vonnegut's books.  That is, until my daughter's boyfriend gifted me at Christmas with two slender volumes of his works.

I read Like Shaking Hands With God in one easy sitting.  The books provides a transcript of a moderated conversation about writing between two authors, Kurt Vonnegut and Lee Stringer.  The conversation takes place in NYC in 1998.

Here's my big take-away from this book - write first for yourself.  It's one thing to know your target audience inside and out, but what if we don't know ourselves because we don't listen to, or choose to ignore, our insides?  Vonnegut urges writers to keep it sincere - "You cannot fool a reading audience!"

When asked why he writes, Lee Stringer explains:

How My Inner Censor Cramps My Style

Within the past few days I've written 2 posts that I haven't published.  My inner censor says there's too much of me hanging out , as if I were a shirttail escaping from my pants.  The inner witch says to stay "professional."  This is a professional blog, not a personal diary.  Stick to my blog theme.

All these inner "rules" keep other voices inside of me quiet and seemingly well-behaved.  I imagine that all the bloggers I admire - which numbers pretty high - never have this problem.  They can speak their truth with courage, grace, and of course boldness.  [See Tony's transparent post on some strident criticism he rec'd from a blog visitor]

Yet the greatest gift I (and you) can offer is our own original, unique voice.  The protective fearful part of me likes to mute the microphone.  I can choose to unmute the mic, and as I do, this is what I could share.  In my writing rambles last week, I admitted a few things to myself: 

1) I spend the largest portion of my workday in a business that I'm not passionate about.  At least not yet.  Real estate investing takes me on a roller coaster.  Highs, lows, unexpected turns.  I routinely wonder if i can make it financially.  I can look back and see the tremendous progress I've made and the experience I've gained.  A small profit is better than no profit, and can lead to larger profits.

Yet what I enjoy the most about real estate investing involves the networking.  Creating a new investor group for women a year ago that has been wildly successful; being invited to serve on the board of directors of our local association of real estate investors; seeing needs and finding creative ways to fill them; bringing a deal together on behalf of a seller; problem-solving with my business partner.

2) I ask myself if I'm selling myself out as a writer by spending time in a business I don't feel as passionate about as previous careers.  I like it most days, and I enjoy the people i do business with.  Does that count enough?  I don't hold aspirations to make my living as a writer.  I just want to write, dammit.  Just write.  Not have it count for anything.  Yet that isn't entirely true.  I write because I want to know myself better, to coax out those parts lurking in my internal nooks and crannies. I want to touch  others - inspire them, bring clarity, expansion, connection.  If that leads to something else down the road, fine.  But it doesn't need to or have to. 

3) I closed down my coaching practice of 10 years almost 2 years ago.  It is only recently that I notice that the format I used in the past (1 on 1 coaching) may have changed, but I've created new structures that still give me reign to influence and touch people - yes - even in real estate investing.  Isn't that the crux of it all - it's the WHO that tells, not the WHAT. 

Last night I participated in the first session of a 4-week teleclass on "Speaking From the Inside Out" with Barbara DeAngelis.  She stresses that this is NOT a workshop on public speaking.  It's about bringing out the most authentic, powerful expression of myself.  That voice can be communicated through my energetic vibration, voice, writing, and yes, through public speaking.  Another act of perfect timing on the part of the Universe.  I'll keep you posted on this down the road.

In the meantime, what part of yourself would like more time on the "mic?"

Higher Self to Deb - Come in Please

Early this morning, before I got out of bed, before my day unfolded in a stream of ceaseless activity, my higher self managed to get a message to me:

"Today be kind with yourself.  Stop pushing yourself, diminishing yourself, berating yourself for what you haven't gotten done."

That message feels good.  I could have used it a lot earlier this week though.  After 5 days of travel, part of which included a funeral, I arrived home this past Monday night, with my parents in tow.  Trying to give them a break from chilly Ohio to warmer South Carolina. 

I'm behind on marketing for my business.  I haven't done the laundry.  I'm suffering from blog guilt and withdrawal.  I haven't spent any quality time with my husband.  I'm doing the bare minimum in my business.  Can you tell I expect miracles from myself?

I have spent quality time with my elderly parents this week.  They are loving the sunshine here.  My business parter picked up the slack in my recent absence.  Our business is actually humming along in profit mode.

BIG SIGH.  My lesson for the month (and beyond):  I am ENOUGH.  Even when the t's aren't all crossed or the i's all dotted.

Keeping It Real

Troy Worman put out a call for a different kind of self help text in his post I Want Something Else.  When asked what he wanted, he replied here.  How about some honesty and "rattling" to start with?

Troy's post inspired me to ask myself the same question.  I want authors, speakers, seminar leaders, bootcamp gurus - all of them - to KEEP IT REAL.  I'm fatigued from the drama of today's deceptive marketing claims that contain kernels of truth but leave out the details.

That's why I'm still pissed off at The Secret.  I greatly admire speaker/author Jack Canfield, a contributor in The Secret.  He illustrated how, many years ago, he manifested close to a million dollars at the end of a year, starting with the intention/visualization, and then taking his first action step as synchronicity unfolded.  So far so good, at explaining the beginning part.  Unfortunately the film stopped there and leaped to the end result of this huge amount of money.  What the film left out/edited out was the part where Jack was on the road that year for 300+ days to market the book that launched his writing career and brought in the money.  I say, tell the whole story.

This morning a woman real estate investor called me up and asked me what "wholesaling" was like.  I replied that it was not easy.  It took an average of 25 leads to produce a wholesale, and a lot of time, money and effort had to go into marketing to generate those leads.  She replied, "Thank you for telling me the truth."

Troy's question led me to ponder whether my self-help book from '03, Tug of Heart - How to Trust What You Know, could pass the "keeping it real" test.  I believe so.  The book describes real people, real examples, and whole stories.  But you can be the judge by picking up a copy at Amazon. 

In the meantime, join us in the dialogue that Troy instigated.  Stirring up the pot is one of the qualities that I love about him!

Dick Richards Makes Me Blush

Before heading out to an evening meeting yesterday, I ran a final check of my email.  There I discovered Dick Richard's email, urging me to read his latest post.  It appears that he graced me with the honor of receiving his first ever Platinum Trumpet Award for a piece of work I did earlier this year that he felt was most important to him.

The series of posts Dick refers to focus on True Guidance vs. False Guidance - Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

I feel stunned (in a gloriously positive way) with this recognition, but even more so with Dick's concluding words thanking me " . . .for showing us how to fuse a conscious and empathic individual spirituality with day-to-day life."  I've never had my message so beautifully crystallized.  Thank you, Dick!

For someone who questions the relevance of her writing from time to time, (and therefore herself), I couldn't feel more affirmed.  Pardon me while I do some savoring!

In the meantime, let me share an inspiring message I received a few years back from those guys in the sky (Divine Guidance).  They pointed out that my job is to simply share a message - to put it out there - not to be concerned with how many receive it, or what they do, or not do with it.  So if the blogosphere is one long buffet, remember we need your individual signature dish.  No one else can offer the combination of unique ingredients that you do!

Show Me the Substance

I've been intending to write this post for over two weeks.  Ever since I read an article about maverick journalist I. F. Stone in the Nov/Dec issue of Utne.

Granddaddy to today's political bloggers, Utne describes Stone as differing from most bloggers of a political bent by ". . . doggedly reporting and carefully crafting his essays, valuing insight over invective, and elevating the dialogue rather than reducing it to predictable partisan jousting."

To back up for a moment, I learned in the Utne article that I. F. Stone was an independent newspaperman and owner of his own publishing company.  He accepted no advertising.  He published a political newsletter, I. F. Stones Weekly, from 1953-1971.  Although circulation was small, his weekly essays were considered highly influential, covering his take on journalism, and the watershed U. S. events such as the McCarthy hearings, school integration, campus protests etc.  Utne included several of these essays in the Nov/Dec issue. 

In reading through Stone's essays, I was struck by two things.  His words still reverberate in timely relevance several decades later.  His strong opinions reflect an openness and willingness to both scrutinize and to understand.  What may sound like an oxymoron, in my opinion Stone demonstrated strong courage in looking "under the covers," to speak with substance, without pushing a blind agenda.  (Editor Karl Weber includes Stone's finest essays in the book, The Best of I. F. Stone.)

I was a freshman in college during the Kent State Shootings, attending school a hundred miles away.  I read with special interest Stone's essay, "In Defense of Campus Rebels."  He spoke out against the methodology, but provided insightful perspective on the underlying intention of the protesters, citing past historical context from other non-political movements.

But hey, I'm not here to talk about politics per se.  To do so is to miss the larger point.  I. F. Stone set a high standard we would do well to emulate.  And it is this.  To use our blogging forums to illuminate the conversation.  To expand understanding and meaning.  In short, to BE the substance the world needs, and allow our voice to reflect that. 

I didn't say it was easy to speak openly, honestly, truthfully.  Some days I can't find the time to blog.  Some days I can't hear my own voice.  Some days I'm feeling timid.  And some days I just can't stand not to speak up.  I'm still learning to give myself permission to show my strength - to let my "substance" out.  And be damned with whatever gets "thrown" at me.

It's much easier to hang out with like-minded individuals who share similar political/spiritual/social views than to take the time to listen and to understand what fears or motivations underpin an "opponent's" view.

But one thing I will say emphatically, with all its political connotations, thank God American voters decided Tuesday that substance matters. 

For those of us who care - I throw down the gauntlet. Let us begin with ourselves.

Show me the substance! 

Do You Know What a Koan Is?

I thought I was asking a question.  I found out I created a "koan" instead.  That's what I get for thinking out loud.

It happened when I left a comment on Halina Goldstein's Have I Changed? post.  My ruminations about personal change led me to ask at the end - Does what passes for change indicate we're showing our true colors or hiding them?

Halina commented that this was not a question but a koan - "A riddle with no logical answer, used to confound the conscious mind and allow spontaneous insight."

I'm still awaiting insight on this particular koan on true colors.  If anything, it raises even more questions for me, much like Dick Richards describes how every sentence can be a "doorway" to more questions in his post on writing. 

For those of you who enjoy riddles, I'd love for you to share your spontaneous insights!

Blogging Performance Anxiety

I've frequently noted here that I love to write.  It feeds my soul and creative urges and all that good stuff.  True enough.

Now it's time to come out of the closet and talk about the hidden underside of blogging - all those little secrets the blogging pros kept mum about that few of us admit to.

First up, guilt.  How can something I love to do generate guilt?  Here's how.  I'm not posting enough.  I used to aspire to 3-4 times a week.  I did that for awhile, but starting up a new business can take up a lot of time.  Then there's that old "keeping up with the Joneses."  Some of the bloggers I read post every day, some even every few hours.  Ye gads!  For a humorous look at infrequent postings, read Andy Angelos post at Venture Midwest (not a blog in my area of primary interest, but he is dating my daughter!).

The unspoken pressure continues with more "shoulds."  Like adding pictures to my posts.  I did that infrequently in the past, but it took me longer to find the picture than to write the post.  Note to myself:  buy a digital camera and take your own pictures!

As technology innovates, there are more enhancements, buttons, and tools to learn and incorporate into blogging.  I pride myself on being a continuous learner, but honestly, I have reached my technology threshold.  I'm at the "run screaming into the night" point.  And I still have more things on my technology to do list that Phil Gerbyshak has outlined for me.  I've got at least 2/3 of them done, Phil!  And they are all good and necessary stuff.

Like the latest model car, blogs come in newer, better versions.  Typepad was the standard bearer when I began blogging less than a year ago.  WordPress take center stage now.  I actually think WordPress looks better myself.  Big sigh . . .

Every week Site Meter shows up in my email box, reporting my weekly stats, telling me  how I'm measuring up, or not.  'Nuff said.

Here's the REAL CRUX .  . . Underneath the underside . . . digging up the real expose on blogging . . .the key factor that can make or break a blogger . . . that calls for men to be real men, and women to be real women . . .that determines if readers want to return . . .have you figured it out yet?

Letting our unique voice speak through.  Yeah, yeah, content is king up to a point.  But when I read another blog, I'm looking for that person's voice to add the meaning to the information presented.

The majority of my blogging performance anxiety centers around my openness, or lack thereof, to letting my voice speak through my posts.  How honest, transparent, strong, soft, funny, or sad do I allow my voice to be?

I'm never at a loss on blog topics to write on.  What I struggle with is giving myself permission to write the actual posts before they get highjacked by ego.  Once I hear those trite old false messages, centered around the fact that I don't have anything to say on the topic, no one cares about the topic, or it doesn't fit in with my blog theme, I begin to procrastinate.

Does anyone else out there struggle with this ego-induced inhibition?  I'd love to know how you work through it, or better yet, how you circumvent it altogether.

Fortunately, what keeps me writing - the pain I feel when I don't write.  Encouragement I receive from other bloggers reinforces my self-trust when it wobbles.  Occasionally I look back to old posts I wrote months ago and feel in awe of my work.  Not because it is brilliant.  But because my real voice shined through in all its authentic humanness, as it did in Home - At Last.

It is only when I am in the space of my heart that my genuine voice can speak freely.  That's the whole point, isn't it?